Coffin Dodging Oxygen Thief Birthday Greeting Card

Respect Your Elders? Nah.

Some people age like fine wine. Others are just stubbornly refusing to go into the light. The Coffin Dodging Oxygen Thief Birthday Card is the ultimate roast for the geriatric friend or relative who has overstayed their welcome on Earth (in the most loving way possible, of course).

Skip the sentimental verses about "wisdom" and "grace." Give them what they really deserve: a reminder that they are technically still alive, even if they are stealing valuable air from the rest of us.

Why You Need It:

• Brutal Honesty: The perfect way to roast your best friend or sibling who is getting a little too old.

• British Wit: Uses classic slang ("Coffin Dodger") to deliver the insult with a bit of sophistication.

• Premium Quality: Printed on heavy luster cardstock, so it feels nice even if the message is mean.

Specs:

• Size: 5x7 Inches (Standard A7)

• Material: Heavyweight Luster Cardstock

• Interior: Blank (Write your own eulogy... er, birthday wish)

• Includes: Matching Envelope